I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
