I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
