i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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