She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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