Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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