the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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