Texts From Last Night

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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.

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  (808): and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off. http://tfl.nu/1s60
  Replies (80) Good night (778) Bad night (6594)
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  (310): View more from California

  Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.

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  (310): Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist. http://tfl.nu/cj2p
  Replies (15) Good night (4128) Bad night (603)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed

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  (251): I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed http://tfl.nu/pqx7
  Replies (14) Good night (945) Bad night (4241)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though

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  (505): I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though http://tfl.nu/889i
  Replies (9) Good night (1069) Bad night (2475)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.

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  (978): Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen. http://tfl.nu/nx95
  Replies (10) Good night (4124) Bad night (894)
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  (916): View more from California

  Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room

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  (916): Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room http://tfl.nu/yi7m
  Replies (13) Good night (1446) Bad night (3890)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.

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  (614): I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out. http://tfl.nu/60nc
  Replies (12) Good night (1452) Bad night (4472)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.

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  (405): in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter. http://tfl.nu/55jx
  Replies (4) Good night (3082) Bad night (1038)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour

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  (416): Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour http://tfl.nu/t42p
  Replies (4) Good night (2019) Bad night (745)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.

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  (936): Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us. http://tfl.nu/b09c
  Replies (3) Good night (1810) Bad night (631)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween

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  (587): My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween http://tfl.nu/z2rb
  Replies (15) Good night (3343) Bad night (1201)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.

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  (253): He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy. http://tfl.nu/b383
  Replies (11) Good night (2400) Bad night (629)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.

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  (307): Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS. http://tfl.nu/6kx3
  Replies (8) Good night (1542) Bad night (512)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.

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  (706): Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time. http://tfl.nu/63oo
  Replies (3) Good night (1074) Bad night (305)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?

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  (585): Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning? http://tfl.nu/f296
  Replies (4) Good night (848) Bad night (314)

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