i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet