I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?