my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
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I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.