I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
