The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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