Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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