Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
