I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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