ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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