In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
