i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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