I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
