Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Will exercising make me less horny?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
