She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
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She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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