My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
