his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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