There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
