You're my little dorito
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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