she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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