I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize