Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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