Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
