that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
