this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
