I'm going to jail i love you
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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