Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
we're so committed to being not committed
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
