Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
