they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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