first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You took a bar mat shot.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
