We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
