I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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