How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
