Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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