he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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