is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
