your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
