Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
