And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
