seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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