Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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