we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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