Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
