dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
