What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
