Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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