I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
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I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
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I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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