I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I woke up under a house in Key West
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