I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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