Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
