there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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