Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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