he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
