its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
