3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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