My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
