I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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