I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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