My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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