ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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