you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
