I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
