Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I think im going to throw up on grandma
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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