my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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