The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
