I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
