Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
